Getting it off my chest

On September 17th, 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am now a breast cancer survivor. I still can't get used to saying(writing) that. I was 47 (I'm 48 now) years old, with two teen age kids and it still makes me mad that I got it.

I am thankful for the fact that I was diagnosed early. I very easily could have put off getting my mammogram and then my story would be completely different. One month prior to my diagnosis I had a hysterectomy. I was in the hospital for two days and of course the recovery time and the follow up doctor visits and yadda, yadda, yadda. When the time rolled around for me to get my mammogram, I thought, "grrrr, I don't want to, I'm not in the mood for any more doctor visits. I think I will just wait or till next year". I reconsidered when I reminded myself that it was very important I go every year as recommended because my mom has fought breast cancer twice. She too is a survivor.


So, I decided I would just go. I mean how long does a mammogram take? Minutes. It's kinda like getting stamps or gas. You just do it cuz you have to and you're in and out. This time seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on it while I was in the waiting room. When I got to the exam room, I changed into the gown and sat and waited. This time I noticed the pictures of all the women who had gotten breast cancer. I never noticed that before. I started looking at their faces. Noticing how many looked my age or looked like they could have a similar life and lifestyle as me.


We went through the squish and squash. The technician left to be sure she got good shots. She gave me the thumbs up and I left. When I got home I had the curiousity to research what my odds might be that I would get it. I went to all the breast cancer sites I could google. I even took a questionairre. Two days later, I got a call. "We found something suspicious. We just need another, better picture. We get this a lot. Don't worry."


Okay, I won't worry. But, I had this feeling. Went in again. There were "suspicious spots" in both breasts. They were able to make one go away. If they are able to squish it out enough to shine light through, then that means it is nothing. Not so on the other one. The tech stood looking at it and said, "I usually can say for sure that it is nothing, but I can't with this". I knew what I was looking at. I had seen my mom's pictures. She told me she would send it in and they would call me in a day or two.


I waited.....Two days later, I got a call. "We want you to see a surgeon". I was in Herberger's department store when they called. My heart and my stomach dropped to my knees. All I could think was, "I need my mama. I have to call my mom."