Don't burn your bras...just yet.

I miss my Victoria Secret Ipex bras.

After learning about my diagnosis (invasive ductal carcinoma) and weighing all my options, I decided to go with a double mastectomy as my form of treatment. My mom beat breast cancer twice. It was kind of a no brainer for me. The surgeon thought I would be fine with a lumpectomy and radiation, but this is what went through my mind...

• My mom got it. She treated it with lumpectomy and radiation.
• My mom got it again. Same treatment.
• I am relatively young (47 at the time)
• My aunt got it young too (40).
• My aunt's came back with a vengence.
• It killed my aunt.
• I have young kids (13 and 16)
• I don't want it coming back
• I don't want to have to deal with this again - or at least reduce my chances as much as possible

Once I made this decision there was no turning back and I experienced emotion after emotion.

• Fear
• Loss
• Anger
• Sadness
• Lonliness

One of the things I did just a few days before my surgery was I rounded up all my Victoria Secret Ipex bras and threw them all in my bathtub. There was a pool of bras. I didn't realize how many I had. At least 15. Maybe more. My thought...they won't fit me again anyway. I donated them to my cousin who came from Illinois during my recover to help with my family. They didn't work for her, so she donated them to the women's shelter.

Now that all was said and done...my breast were removed, my breasts were reconstructed, I realized what a mistake I had made. I asked my plastic surgeon for a smaller size (I was a 36D in the Ipex) such as a 36C or even B.

I must have left two of my bras in the laundry somewhere because I still have two of my 36D Victoria Secret Ipex bras and they still fit perfectly. It was the only bra I could find that fit pre-mastectomy and now the only one that fits post-mastectomy. Great bra, great fit!! So now, the remorse I have for giving up my upwards toward $500 worth of lingerie is painful. The only consolation is that they were donated to a good cause. Too bad it was not my cause because now due to our financial situation I cannot afford to buy one of the Victoria Secret Ipex bras. Also, I think the particular style has been discontinued.

If you are ever in my situation, hang on to your bras. If you must, just pack them up in a box and store them in the attic, at least for a year. Then decide.

Getting it off my chest

On September 17th, 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am now a breast cancer survivor. I still can't get used to saying(writing) that. I was 47 (I'm 48 now) years old, with two teen age kids and it still makes me mad that I got it.

I am thankful for the fact that I was diagnosed early. I very easily could have put off getting my mammogram and then my story would be completely different. One month prior to my diagnosis I had a hysterectomy. I was in the hospital for two days and of course the recovery time and the follow up doctor visits and yadda, yadda, yadda. When the time rolled around for me to get my mammogram, I thought, "grrrr, I don't want to, I'm not in the mood for any more doctor visits. I think I will just wait or till next year". I reconsidered when I reminded myself that it was very important I go every year as recommended because my mom has fought breast cancer twice. She too is a survivor.


So, I decided I would just go. I mean how long does a mammogram take? Minutes. It's kinda like getting stamps or gas. You just do it cuz you have to and you're in and out. This time seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on it while I was in the waiting room. When I got to the exam room, I changed into the gown and sat and waited. This time I noticed the pictures of all the women who had gotten breast cancer. I never noticed that before. I started looking at their faces. Noticing how many looked my age or looked like they could have a similar life and lifestyle as me.


We went through the squish and squash. The technician left to be sure she got good shots. She gave me the thumbs up and I left. When I got home I had the curiousity to research what my odds might be that I would get it. I went to all the breast cancer sites I could google. I even took a questionairre. Two days later, I got a call. "We found something suspicious. We just need another, better picture. We get this a lot. Don't worry."


Okay, I won't worry. But, I had this feeling. Went in again. There were "suspicious spots" in both breasts. They were able to make one go away. If they are able to squish it out enough to shine light through, then that means it is nothing. Not so on the other one. The tech stood looking at it and said, "I usually can say for sure that it is nothing, but I can't with this". I knew what I was looking at. I had seen my mom's pictures. She told me she would send it in and they would call me in a day or two.


I waited.....Two days later, I got a call. "We want you to see a surgeon". I was in Herberger's department store when they called. My heart and my stomach dropped to my knees. All I could think was, "I need my mama. I have to call my mom."

Hysterectomy

In August, 2008 I had a hysterectomy. One month later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wrote a poem about my hysterectomy. I will write in the future about my breast cancer and mastectomy. Maybe if I write a poem about that too it will help me get it off my chest.

Hysterectomy
by Lisa Culey

To my baby-maker
I bid farewell;
For you have provided me
Two kids that are swell.

Your leaving me now
Is a bittersweet;
Though your oven worked well,
Your pain – not a treat.

I look forward to days
Without PMS,
the bloating, the cramping,
the incontinence.

Thanks for the memories,
‘Tho cursed they may be;
They only remind me
That now I am free.
Aug. 4, 2008

The Birth of my Blog

Today, my blog was born. I didn't just today decide to create one. This came after several weeks of gestation. I would have to say the hardest part of creating a blog is deciding on a name. What a stressful commitment it is to have to choose a name you have to keep forever. I have the same stress when choosing user-names for websites, not to mention my email address. It's like choosing names for kids and pets. I'm just not gifted at choosing clever names, and I hate commitment--can you tell? I start to hyperventilate thinking I can't change my mind. My family knows all too well this commitment problem, because I am forever rearranging furniture, dishes in the kitchen cabinets and even planted plants in the yard. My mom gave me one of those wall stencils about three months ago. I'm pretty sure I know where I would like it to go, but the fact that it would be in this place permanently completely freaks me out. So instead, it has found a permanent home tucked behind the kleenex box on my kitchen counter, which by the way will most likely be moved very soon.

The name "zippitz" for my url leapt in my head while hangin out this Sunday afternoon with my two teenage kids. After spending weeks trying to come up with something clever for a name and choosing a specific subject to blog about, I was amazed when I was inspired by this word. It's an abbreviation for quick tid bits I plan to blog about--Tid bits from all aspects of my world (sorry, I just can't commit to one subject). As I mention above I have two teenage kids, I am also mother to a toy poodle, and I have been married for almost 19 years to the same man! I know. I can hardly believe it myself. I can honestly say, I have stayed committed to him and him alone although I am sure he will say that I have rearranged him several times!

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