My Early Christmas Present

Christmas is two weeks away and I am reminded of last year about this time. I was recovering from breast cancer, and much too tired to put up Christmas decorations. Getting them up was one thing to be overwhelmed about let alone taking them down just a few weeks later.

This year, I find myself not far from the same feeling. Just so tired. Should I put up decorations or not. Maybe just the tree. Every day, I tell myself, maybe just the tree... Tomorrow....

After a long work week. Friday afternoon--cleaned. Saturday, time for groceries. I will go early, to beat the mad crowd shopping at Walmart. I leave my teenager son to his x-box games (Call of Duty, Halo, etc.) and my high school daughter still snuggled up with her Shitzu and asleep in bed. Hubby, most likely in the basement estimating yet another construction project.

Walmart is busier than I expected. I take a deep breath a prepare myself for the crowd. Two hours of foraging through the aisles and dodging people, families, stockers.

What the heck!!!! I do not understand why people have to bring the entire family to shop for groceries. The husbands trailing behind like they have been drugged and bribed to assist. Although, I see absolutely no assisting. The kids hanging from the basket and wandering back and forth across the aisle grabbing items as they ask, "can we get this?"

As I enter each and every aisle, I am required to strategize how to get to the other end. Groups, and I say groups of families. People going down the aisle on the wrong side of the street. All of them, all the while, oblivious to anyone else in the aisle or the possibility of anyone wanting to pass. I am baffled at how they can be so blind to everything else going on.

I am baffled, because I am completely aware of my surroundings trying to keep out of the way of some one else. Some of them even have their iPods plugged into their heads, so you can't even get their attention with a gentle, "excuse me".

Okay, people, can we establish some road rules? And, can we please integrate a diamond lane for people who have more than two people on board? Don't the rules of the road apply in store aisles as well.

After 2 hours in the trenches, I head for the check-out. Thanking my Father in Heaven for a lane with only one person of which is almost done checking out. As I load my heavy laden basket onto the belt, I spy the bottle of Captain Morgan's treat I grabbed myself and started to salivate at the though of popping the cap and taking a swig. I look at my watch. Soon, I tell myself. Soon!

Next, the trek out to the Walmart parking lot. Agh! Two hours in Walmart, followed by unloading the basket to the belt, followed by loading them back to the cart, followed by pushing the cart with all my might through the snowy parking lot, followed by unloading the cart to the car, followed by unloading the car to the house, followed by putting the groceries away, followed by cooking them! Sheesh, no wonder I don't have the energy to put up Christmas decorations! All I want to do is hit the couch with a little Captain Morgan's. I am about in tears.

Once in the house, I yell (okay, scream) to the kids to unload the car. Passing my daughter in the hall, she stares at me directly eye to eye. "WHAT?!" I ask. She looks past me. I turn, and there stands the Christmas Tree all lit up in its glory! In a split second, my hectic week, my hectic Walmart trip rushed away and I had a smile that made my lips burn.

THANKS KIDS, YOU'RE THE BEST!

Don't burn your bras...just yet.

I miss my Victoria Secret Ipex bras.

After learning about my diagnosis (invasive ductal carcinoma) and weighing all my options, I decided to go with a double mastectomy as my form of treatment. My mom beat breast cancer twice. It was kind of a no brainer for me. The surgeon thought I would be fine with a lumpectomy and radiation, but this is what went through my mind...

• My mom got it. She treated it with lumpectomy and radiation.
• My mom got it again. Same treatment.
• I am relatively young (47 at the time)
• My aunt got it young too (40).
• My aunt's came back with a vengence.
• It killed my aunt.
• I have young kids (13 and 16)
• I don't want it coming back
• I don't want to have to deal with this again - or at least reduce my chances as much as possible

Once I made this decision there was no turning back and I experienced emotion after emotion.

• Fear
• Loss
• Anger
• Sadness
• Lonliness

One of the things I did just a few days before my surgery was I rounded up all my Victoria Secret Ipex bras and threw them all in my bathtub. There was a pool of bras. I didn't realize how many I had. At least 15. Maybe more. My thought...they won't fit me again anyway. I donated them to my cousin who came from Illinois during my recover to help with my family. They didn't work for her, so she donated them to the women's shelter.

Now that all was said and done...my breast were removed, my breasts were reconstructed, I realized what a mistake I had made. I asked my plastic surgeon for a smaller size (I was a 36D in the Ipex) such as a 36C or even B.

I must have left two of my bras in the laundry somewhere because I still have two of my 36D Victoria Secret Ipex bras and they still fit perfectly. It was the only bra I could find that fit pre-mastectomy and now the only one that fits post-mastectomy. Great bra, great fit!! So now, the remorse I have for giving up my upwards toward $500 worth of lingerie is painful. The only consolation is that they were donated to a good cause. Too bad it was not my cause because now due to our financial situation I cannot afford to buy one of the Victoria Secret Ipex bras. Also, I think the particular style has been discontinued.

If you are ever in my situation, hang on to your bras. If you must, just pack them up in a box and store them in the attic, at least for a year. Then decide.